Last week, I spend my vacation leave in Thailand to celebrate my birthday and of course the important thing I met someone who I did not meet for looooongggg time.

My last 2 1/2 days were so nice and special and the problem were the rest, because the rest of my vacation I spend it alone (of course with the self confidence that I get to used to do vacation alone everywhere and especially I ever been in Bangkok for a few times.  So I thought this time, it would not be hard for me and actually I just want to stay in Bangkok because of Chatuchak – the biggest weekend market in Thailand and did not have another reason even not for floating market.

Why Chatuchak? Because I like window shopping – it is kind of nice way to make me feel relax.  Why window shopping and not just shopping? Because I am not emotional buyer actually. I just like to see the beautiful things and adore it without feel to own it 😀

But this time during of this sort vacation … I really got trouble …

First. my blackberry did not work in Thailand. Could you imagine? Without any bb messenger, without twitter – I felt like isolated by the world. Of course it’s ok when my boy friend with me …. but it looked like a hell when I was alone!!!! Of course I could try to find any internet cafe, but unfortunately it is far away from my hotel in Bangkok and I felt lazy if I have to walk there alone.

Second, I realized that 26 Sept is Monday and not Sunday after I was in Bangkok alone!!!!!!! (lucky that my vacation until Monday) It mean that I get one other day alone and it is not too nice at all.

Third …. I forgot that I have kind of panic attack if suddenly I feel alone – it feel like I could not breathe at all (usually, it will happen if suddenly I got leave by people that I knew e.g. if whole my family came to my home and suddenly they have to back to their home and I stayed alone – hard to explain it 😀  FYI: My hotel is so quite hotel, good for people who doesn’t like bangkok crowded things) So as my usual medicine for this kind of sickness … I decided to find all the crowded place and because I did not feel that I wanted flirt by any man … so I did choose MBK, one of the biggest Mall in Bangkok where you can find many fake things. Of course I must be there until I felt so sleepy and almost could not open my eyes. And back to my hotel safety with a taxi.

Fourth .. after successful a few times just gave the name and address of my hotel to taxi drivers … I felt so safe. At least I’ve thought even thought I was in the middle of nowhere without someone that I knew, without any maps and with my useless blackberry … I would not get lost. But yes … I am WRONG

The last night in Bangkok was my horrible night. After went around a few temples near Khao San Road, I decided to go to Chatuchak again then after that used BTS  (and with a pray one day, Jakarta will have Sky train like this :D) I went to Siam Paragon and MBK again, until I remembered that I have to catch morning flight the next morning, so I decided to go back to the hotel earlier around 4 pm.

And as before I gave my hotel address to taxi driver and sit so pleasant backside. Then … my nightmare begun … I already was curious because the driver did not use the same road that I passed by the days before … and after half hours driving he stooped his car and asked me to give him my paper which wrote my hotel address and began to ask people near there!!!!!! And no one looks know about the address. They  just came around me and spoke Thai and saw me like something wrong with me. So I decides to get another taxi. And if you think my problem was solve …. you are WRONG:D

Same like before after half hours driving, he began to ask others people …  It looked like re wind movie, just different place, different taxi driver, different people exclude me …. do you know …. how many times it was happen?  FOUR times !!!!!!!!! I really lost my way, I did not know where I was and the stupid things that I did, I did not write my hotel telp number so I could not ask someone to help me. It is may be still ok if just happen once but it happen 4 times in one evening.  I felt so desperate and for the first time in my life I knew the feeling of feel afraid travel alone ( and I almost promised myself that I will not do travel alone anymore. LOL)

And the first time of my life too, after went out from my fourth taxi, I could not hold my tears, I was crying in public area in front of stranger people, and many of them looked at me so curious (but did not brave enough to ask what happen with me – or may be I more looked like angry woman than a weak woman … LOL) Of course because felt shame, I began again to get another taxi and really resigned but the funny things … in my resigned moment, the taxi which I rode with,  was driven by old driver who knew exactly where my hotel is and can speak English fluently, until I almost wanted to kiss him when at the end  … he really brought me to my hotel. LOL

In my hotel room, after took a shower and packed my things, I began to re – think about what did happen to me. It’s kind of nightmare.  How if I were loosed there, how if something bad happen to me and not just lost my way? If this did happen as God’s way to remind me that I have to decrease my self confidence when I travel alone?  Is it time for me to stop travel alone? Am I too old or too weak now to travel alone? Or I need travel alone practice more fluently LOL? Uhm … I do not know the answer.

I just know there is someone who will pinch my ear after read it and will ask my schedule in detail if I do travel again 😀 (nakupenda mbenzi)